Lost Boy near Death

So close we came. So close we flew. The lost boy near Death.

I opened my now fully-closed eyes and sat up, ready to scold him for ruining the first moment of peace of my day. But what I saw stopped me mid-sentence; death. His face was purple-blue and his lips a shade of violet. Foam spewed from his mouth and the annoying squeak was the product of his foot pressing against the clutch with the convulsions of his body.

Death fell on the boy’s face, he was lost

I panicked. I was only sixteen, my sheltered church-school upbringing had afforded me no experience in this world and I didn’t know how to drive a car. Within a millisecond countless thoughts hurtled through my subconscious; “Run a few blocks and get help, no I can’t leave him, what if he dies? No I must drive to the hospital. What if I get pulled over or have an accident, then to death he will go because I can’t get him help.”

It didn’t matter, his life was worth the risk. If I saw blue lights or had an accident I would just have to…I don’t know, cross those bridges when I got to them. At least 20 kilograms heavier than me, I did not notice his weight; my adrenaline kicked in and I pulled him, limb by limb, inch by inch, into the passenger seat.

I started the car and stalled numerous times, eventually pulling off and proceeding to swerve wildly all over the abandoned parking lot before heading onto the street. I braked suddenly and glanced at him once again to see if there was any change. He was awake! Disorientated and still decidedly purple, but awake.

The scarred and trapped beauty of a boy near death

We were traveling at only about 20 kilometers per hour and in my moment of thankfulness at his not being dead, I lost concentration and bumped into the back of a parked car.

“Whats going on out there?” came a gruff male voice from a portly man approaching. “Are you drunk?” he demanded.

“No sir, my boyfriend is diabetic, and he needs to get to hospital. I was checking on him and lost concentration.” I offered, it was the first thing that came to mind, my diabetic grandfather, needles…

The man was worried and half carried the semi-conscious boy into his house, muttering something about a police report. Thinking this would involve officers at the scene, I grabbed the drugs from the car, followed them to the house and immediately asked if I could use the bathroom. There I disposed of the heroin.

I can’t remember how much time passed at the house, but when the boy regained his strength we left, the man not perturbed by my inability to produce a licence as there was virtually no damage to his car. I remember walking to the car, sitting down in the passenger seat, my head spinning at what we had just narrowly escaped.

Thank You for the life of this boy. I will honor his death in my life.

To this Boy

I know that you found our Savior before you finally met your death over 6 years ago. I trust that he kept you and you walk free with Him now.

Thank You Father that I had the opportunity to know this precious soul.

Walk free, dear boy, you are no longer lost

Labyrinth Perspective Betrayed

When something unexpected happens do I flight or fight and is either worth it. Most of the time I do not clearly decide to do either and the plan just evolves. That is what’s been happening in my life over the last week or so.

While trudging through many a canyon of deep turmoil I have made wrong choices. All of these have, in the end, worked together for good, but that does not mean they did not happen and I won’t encounter consequences as a result.

The joy of the Lord is my Strength

I recently was betrayed by a person I had considered a trusted ear, leading to uttered thoughts being exposed without context or time frame. At first I wanted to run, ashamed that the twists of my mind’s labyrinth had been laid bare to someone ill-equipped. But then I wanted to fight, incensed at the refusal to consider perspective along with knowledge. And now I want to wait, not “jump the gun” and my labyrinth’s perspective to be broadened.

I climb higher with You

Broadened Perspective

As painful as this last week has been it has once again worked together for good as I have realized I could be thinking too small. My dream is too small. Who I am to enforce limits? And therefore I will once again wait, allowing myself to be lead into a higher labyrinth.

As each day passes I am astounded by the magnitude of our Creator. Whenever I think I have it figured out, I am given a glimpse of what is possible, the depths of all things working together for good. I cannot yet fathom the heights of this realization, the intricacies of His labyrinth. I am released from the pain of being betrayed because once again its in perspective. I forgive and love them. This is part of the Perfect Plan.

Labyrinth's Enlightened Abyss

I cant see out the abyss, but I know freedom is close 

Has it been snatched away, or has it merely changed form yet again?

Was that sprouting seed transplanted only to perish?

Again, the answers lie in my never-ending dialogue with God,

Faith my guiding light

His light the only guide through my mind’s labyrinth.

My thought’s morph into prayers, bouncing ideas and possibilities off the One greater than myself.

All else has paled in comparison, my nemesis and my dream.

I will keep seeking, Your light always chases away my shadows

All that is left is the road to freedom, finding the road of His Will.

From the canyon once again I seek the #PerfectPlan, but this time is different.

This abyss is not as dark, fear no longer such a cumbersome shadow.

This canyon too shall pass – the victory is already  mine

This in itself gives me new hope, courage and kindness.

The stronger my Faith, the terser becomes my battle and the faster my climb.

The victory is already mine.

Labyrinth's Bridge

I must wait, journey first down my mind’s labyrinth. There I will find the answer to crossing this bridge

The past three days has seen me journey down yet another boulevard of dreams, discovering there is so much more to my labyrinth, my path, my higher calling.

I found myself in that void where glass-house clarity shines through and I stand at new type of bridge. I realised it is not my choice whether or not to cross. I must hold back, listen, watch, wait. I am certain of is that if I force my way over the divide I will fall.

I must persevere down further avenues of my mind’s labyrinth, guided only by the faith in this higher purpose. I will wait for God to take my hand and lead me into the uncharted waters that lie ahead.

Fear of the losing the stability of familiarity and dogma threatens my resolution of trust, and a compulsion to turn back assaults my subconscious.

The magnifying glass shall fall where it must

But determination to persevere towards my purpose has always been a sword in my hand, my Shield of Faith, completing my suit of armor. As I proclaim this strength and protection I am blessed with further glass-house clarity, both of past and of future.

I feel lighter, more free. Yet as I piece together elements of myself, others and hunt for answers in the early years of my life, I know that dark places also lie ahead. Discovering the truth will lead to murky canyons, shadowy tunnels and the deep place of melancholy to which I do not often go.

 

 

But I know that my Father will never let me go, He has given me all I need to climb from the bottomless chasms that await me. That place of wholeness through forgiveness and love that I feel when I ground myself in faith in the His Perfect Plan.

“More often than not you cannot see over the fence. Persevere. You will find that void that will set you free”

I wait in perfect peace for guidance of Labyrinth’s Bridge