Labyrinth's Enlightened Abyss

I cant see out the abyss, but I know freedom is close 

Has it been snatched away, or has it merely changed form yet again?

Was that sprouting seed transplanted only to perish?

Again, the answers lie in my never-ending dialogue with God,

Faith my guiding light

His light the only guide through my mind’s labyrinth.

My thought’s morph into prayers, bouncing ideas and possibilities off the One greater than myself.

All else has paled in comparison, my nemesis and my dream.

I will keep seeking, Your light always chases away my shadows

All that is left is the road to freedom, finding the road of His Will.

From the canyon once again I seek the #PerfectPlan, but this time is different.

This abyss is not as dark, fear no longer such a cumbersome shadow.

This canyon too shall pass – the victory is already  mine

This in itself gives me new hope, courage and kindness.

The stronger my Faith, the terser becomes my battle and the faster my climb.

The victory is already mine.

#MyJourney – Childhood Prophecy

#JourneyPlan Discovery

Beautiful Butterflies

The detail is amazing

Laptop Desk

During my childhood at about 10 years old, a church leader, Gaby McKellar prayed over me, prophesying she said,

“Monique you are a very unique person, different. You will be able to reach people your parents, family or no one you know can ever reach.”

For years I have thought that meant through my life’s pathways and what I have overcome I will be able to help a much different demographic to all I knew at the time, church members, family, that cluster of Christianity I had been limited to.

This is my favourite! I could so use one of these!

Tap Light

Bicycle Holder

But I was talking to my one true friend Craig, and by talking to I am being literal, I talk, Craig listens when he can see I am on one of my idea-streaks.  It dawned on me that this is only one aspect of this prophecy’s meaning.

When I was in the womb, my mother prayed to Jesus and asked for a “different child.” I was born, brunette and dark eyes, the manifestation of my physical differences to that of my blonde and blue-eyed two sisters.

I will reach people not only because of my life-experience, but because of my personality, the very core of how I was made, not just circumstances because of the choices of others. True to my self-image issues, I have always thought it would have nothing to do with my emotional expression to the core, merely relating the emotions I experienced because of others and subsequent situations.

Cool Shower

Reading Chair

Breaking Free

I now realise that although I was stifled by trauma in my youth, I am so unique, eccentric and creative, forward-thinking, intelligent and passionate down-to-the-core that this is the catapult for my freedom, and yours. Out of everyone I grew up with I have realized that I am the only one that because of my experiences yet owing to my God-given personality,

“I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes” – 2 Samuel 6:22 (NIV)

Believe me it is tough to be this way, and yes I very very often feel humiliated in my own eyes. But this is my purpose.Only because I was created in this way am I able to do this, otherwise I would not be me. This realization was compounded this morning when talking to mother and she reminded me of the first sentence of that prophecy.

I am unique and different, its just as much as part of the prophecy as reaching people.

Realisation: #PerfectPlan

“Thank You my Father, Your timing is perfect. This self-realisation is so liberating for me”

Cutting: But Why

Over the last 15 years I have taken my artist’s brush to my canvas over 160 times, the brush strokes range in height, depth and angle. I preferred to not get medical personnel involved, so most went un-stitched unless forced by a loved one, or in 1/3 emergency room visits, the last of which was a serious wake up call.

I haven’t been asked by others as much as I have asked myself “Why do you cut, self-harm, self-mutilate?” I always knew it was most definitely not about suicide. The explanation that I found most fitting was a line from the 1998 song called Iris by the US band Goo Goo Dolls. “Bleed just to know you’re alive.” For years I rationlised that what I was feeling inside made me feel so dead that to bleed was to know I was alive.

But about a month ago God brought across my path a school teacher and she offered a reason she had heard from one of her students, also a cutter. This girl said that cutting for her is the ultimate statement, saying ‘I will be me, you cannot take this away from me, this is who I am.”

This makes a lot of sense to me in the same way it did her, cutting is standing against being forced into a mould you just cant fit into. But I have since found a just as deep but also different meaning.

It is when I am so deeply connected to something/someone that is taken away, when those emotions are so extreme, such feeling of loss, hurt, betrayal, rejection I am indeed making a statement when I cut, “You cant do anything more to me, I am causing this intense feeling and you cannot take it away. “

I know that all of this has a link to other issues in my life, eating disorder for example. I also know that the more I understand it, it just seems…easier to deal with, easier to handle, lighter to carry.

The sovereignty of God is the one impregnable rock to which the suffering human heart must cling – Margaret Clarkson

The Next Step Revealed