Labyrinth Perspective Betrayed

When something unexpected happens do I flight or fight and is either worth it. Most of the time I do not clearly decide to do either and the plan just evolves. That is what’s been happening in my life over the last week or so.

While trudging through many a canyon of deep turmoil I have made wrong choices. All of these have, in the end, worked together for good, but that does not mean they did not happen and I won’t encounter consequences as a result.

The joy of the Lord is my Strength

I recently was betrayed by a person I had considered a trusted ear, leading to uttered thoughts being exposed without context or time frame. At first I wanted to run, ashamed that the twists of my mind’s labyrinth had been laid bare to someone ill-equipped. But then I wanted to fight, incensed at the refusal to consider perspective along with knowledge. And now I want to wait, not “jump the gun” and my labyrinth’s perspective to be broadened.

I climb higher with You

Broadened Perspective

As painful as this last week has been it has once again worked together for good as I have realized I could be thinking too small. My dream is too small. Who I am to enforce limits? And therefore I will once again wait, allowing myself to be lead into a higher labyrinth.

As each day passes I am astounded by the magnitude of our Creator. Whenever I think I have it figured out, I am given a glimpse of what is possible, the depths of all things working together for good. I cannot yet fathom the heights of this realization, the intricacies of His labyrinth. I am released from the pain of being betrayed because once again its in perspective. I forgive and love them. This is part of the Perfect Plan.

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Labyrinth's Enlightened Abyss

I cant see out the abyss, but I know freedom is close 

Has it been snatched away, or has it merely changed form yet again?

Was that sprouting seed transplanted only to perish?

Again, the answers lie in my never-ending dialogue with God,

Faith my guiding light

His light the only guide through my mind’s labyrinth.

My thought’s morph into prayers, bouncing ideas and possibilities off the One greater than myself.

All else has paled in comparison, my nemesis and my dream.

I will keep seeking, Your light always chases away my shadows

All that is left is the road to freedom, finding the road of His Will.

From the canyon once again I seek the #PerfectPlan, but this time is different.

This abyss is not as dark, fear no longer such a cumbersome shadow.

This canyon too shall pass – the victory is already  mine

This in itself gives me new hope, courage and kindness.

The stronger my Faith, the terser becomes my battle and the faster my climb.

The victory is already mine.

#Roadtrip Labyrinth: Cape Town to Durban & Beyond

After 16 hours on the #Roadtrip – This is the most honest photo I have ever taken of myself

Before #Roadtrip

Five days ago I left my home town of  Cape Town to return to Durban and search the greater Kwazulu-Natal area for my farm.

“Farmward and Upward”

My true friend Craig flew down from his home town of Durban North, I collected him at Cape Town International Airport at 21:30 on Tuesday 18 October 2016 and we began the 1644 kilometer journey across South Africa.

My luggage included my pet: Papillon (cat) and Champignon (hairy-back tarantula whom I did not mention before as the Western Cape Province of South Africa prohibits such exotic pets, but Kwazulu-Natal allows them.

I documented and shared on social media the entire #roadtrip journey of 18 hours 12 minutes. From the dark passages of roadway leaving the Western Cape to the sunrise through the Karoo, on to the flat plains of the Free State and lastly the lush and tropical Kwazulu-Natal countryside, ending on the East Coast in Glenashley, Durban North. (Check out #RoadTrip from the beginning on Twitter)

Over 3 days, prior and during the #roadtrip, I only managed to get 7 hours sleep, the excitement and mind-labyrinths were too intense for sleeping. The last 5 days since arriving in Durban have been of recovery and rest. I have also been further exploring every silk avenue of web weaving an intricate pattern in my subconscious, often feeling  overwhelmed.

The person I took into my home before leaving Cape Town, my first patient in my rehab trial, is doing well. I set him up with a basic smart-phone for all-day Whatsapp contact and once-daily he goes to a local internet cafe to Skype video-call. He has also acquired a casual job, his hope growing into purpose with the idea of farming, healing and freedom.

However I find myself being extremely cautious of becoming any more emotionally involved, as it proves to be a distraction from my goal. My prayer now is for focus. Last night I spent hours seeking God, praying for further direction and freedom from this sense of doubt and fear that I have journeyed down the wrong vein of the labyrinth.

“Keep going, keep pushing through. I have given you all you need for this, don’t lose sight of what I have set before you.”

An intense feeling of relief flooded over me, knowing that this is all part of the #PerfectPlan for my life and for others. This is not about stats, impressions or likes, not the first patient and definitely not me. This is about something bigger, a #HigherCalling a #PurposeDrivenLife.

Creator, Farming, Healing, Freedom

Last Photo from Bloubergstrand – Cape Town West Coast

The Love of our Creator is so great He created everything we need on this earth to survive. Plants such as Sutherlandia Cancer Bush, Ginko, Gotu Kola, Catnip, Wormwood and of course Aloe Vera, Wild Nettle and Enchinacea all are just some of the healing treasure-troves of nature.

There are mountain-people and you get sea-people.Since childhood I have been a mountain person, not particularly fond of sea nor sand. Give me tropical forests, waterfalls and misty altitude. I have green fingers. I love the quiet and peace of nature. I then had to undergo the natural process of losing oneself to find one’s better self.

Cape Flora in Silvermine Nature Reserve

But Over the last 8 years these words have passed from my lips and my heart, their cry intensifying with each breath.

“I want go into the bush and grow my own food”

It was a dream, but His #PerfectPlan is once again boggling my mind. Another light-bulb moment has just occurred as I sit awake after finishing packing up my flat. This is how I marry the three desires of my heart:

1. Place of safety for the broken – healing through Jesus and His Creation.
2. Living in the bush and growing my own food, a completely self-sustainable property, my passion for healthy living, my love of everything He made.
3. PR, Writing, Social Media, my love of Country community, start-up growth: people growth.

Back of Table Mountain View from Ou Kaapse Weg (Old Cape Road)

Nature, local community, farming, healing, environment – I will take you along that journey too. Everything capturing some of the beauty of this country, this world, Our Creator, His children.

It’s  after 4:30 AM in Cape Town, South Africa and I have not slept. My original flight plan has been changed for Google Maps as I am taking the Leap of Faith. I have just finished packing up all my belongs over 2 days, and spent valuable time with 2 close friends, my last day belongs to family.

Tonight my #truefriend Craig flies from Durban, and by this time tomorrow we will already be 2 hours into out 16 hours #roadtrip from Cape Town to lush, green and tropical Durban, Kwazulu-Natal.

Cape Town – Silvermine Nature Reserve

Even if I didn’t have to remove all decorative part of me from this home, for two nights sleep has been yet a shadow. My mind is alive by His leading me on my treasure-hunt for the piece of land that He has chosen for me, to use, for Us. #PerfectPlan.

#StayTuned

Right Thing Wrong Time

What Happened Before

In my last post I mentioned taking someone into my home and trying my brand of rehab. Well, it did not work and his nemesis took over him and he left to”find that black space that no one can get to.”

I sought him out to give him all his belongs new and old at my house, where he begged me for a second chance. I had to tell him I could not, but I will continue to pray for him and he needs to turn to Jesus.

The Narcotics Anonymous (NA) principle of People, Places, and Things, I know this is what is needed for people like us. We need to go away from those three things for as long as it takes to be strong enough to survive clean.

I must say hat I am relieved as I was starting to think I had bitten off more than I could chew and I had asked God to help me and His will be done.

This is definitely as case of right thing wrong time. My wrong timing. I still believe there is something in God’s #PerfectPlan in His Perfect time.

“Thank you Lord for teaching me this lesson, help me to continue to trust Your Timing.”

Freedom & Realised Dreams

Freedom in Realisation

The last few days have been a downward spiral of deep emotion, feeling lost without my lifeline to the outside world. I have been holed up at home, confining myself to searching for peace within the walls of my home.

Being without a phone has been tough but it has strengthened and brought me closer to what I believe is the purpose #highercalling for my life.

I referred to my dream in a previous post. This dream is a farm, a completely self-sustainable piece of land in South Africa. I have already selected a location and will be viewing properties on my #roadtrip mid-November.

Blessed yet Broken – Freedom through Jesus

But this theft has caused the true purpose of that land to emerge. A rehab. This is my dream.  A place where people can find their healing through complete love. I have found my path to healing through Jesus and His #perfectplan for my life.

I have taken a person into my home and an trying my own brand of rehab. I referred to him in my last post. He has not had a home for quite some time. I feel like I am Richard Gere in the movie  Pretty Woman, but with the love of Jesus the saving factor.

Everything he now has is from Jesus, not me

He is now 3 days clean of amphetamines. I am showing him unconditional love and giving him whatever he needs to keep his mind busy enough and herbal medication (God made it, not man – #staytuned for more on this later).

Realisation of a Dream

I find myself more free now than I ever have been. My purpose is now even more realised and I feel such a freedom. Thank you for listening and being with me on this journey. I can hardly contain my excitement.

FYI: Durban- #roadtrip – property search soon

Part of The Perfect Plan

Fully grown mouse for supper anyone?

It’s the day after I have been robbed. Of the physical loss I am not too concerned, but it’s the emotional loss that I am battling with. Somebody can engage in conversion only to lull me into a false-sense of security to steal from me? Wow, that is a reality check and a bitter pill to swallow.

 Or perhaps this is so tough because my pride is hurt that I was not aware enough, someone was able to pretend better than me.

Or is that me reverting to my affinity to self-blame? No, I will not get stuck here again.

As an old friend said “that person has to be really sharp to get a phone off you”! That is true, after 30 years in South Africa this is my first phone theft.

That is why I know it is part of my #PerfectPlan. This doesn’t happen to me; I am

an ex-drug addict, so I am incredibly aware.  But for all my heightened sensitivity and over-active brain I cannot begin to comprehend the depths of His plan.

For all I know, what I write now could touch one person and change their life, and without this atrocity that person would never have been changed through this text. I cannot stand in the way of that.

Yes I want to use my contacts to find him and teach him a lesson in pain. But in the same breath I cannot. Love your enemy. But for the Grace of God go I.

My entire essence is of commitment; I do not commit unless I can follow through. Again, this is my reckoning. I believe I am in this life to help others and have proclaimed it, but can I commit to that in every way? Yes, with His strength, not mine.

Chapman’s Peak

“Father, from a place of desperation I thank You that Your Plan is perfect. I will continue to trust that every step of this journey is because of Your #HigherPurpose and live in complete in Faith, complete surrender“